Old People Say the Strangest Things!

As predicted, ever since I started telling people that I'm pregnant, I've been getting advice -- solicited and unsolicited -- from everywhere, but especially from those more seasoned in age. And you know how I love old people.

I went to visit the home of a woman for whom I have an enormous amount of respect. She shared with me the ins and outs of her pregnancy and offered a few pieces of advice -- some that made perfect sense, and others...well, you'll see:

- Establish the baby's routine early: "Everyone and their mother will want come and see you and your new bundle of joy, but don't allow it until you feel you're ready."

- Avoid creating a force field in and around your house: "The baby has to get used sleeping through noises. It's not going to always be complete silence in any house, so run the vacuum, turn on the TV, do the dishes, and listen to the radio just like you did before."

- Keep lotion handy: "No one wants stretch marks, so make sure you always have lotion available. I used a mixture of Jergens and cocoa butter rubbed it on my belly at least twice a day, or whenever it was itchy."

And the pièce de résistance:
- Get your body ready to breastfeed: "Take a washcloth and scrub your breast with it. Don't be gentle, make it rough. After you're done with that, take a toothbrush and brush around your nipple."

I just didn't get that last one, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask!

Father forgive me!