Midnight screams and potty runs...

                                                       ...and the baby isn't even here yet!

More stuff no one tells you about! Oh, I was warned about pains from contractions, labor pain, back pain, and leg pain! No one says jack about the other pains you'll endure, often suddenly and without warning. It's the pain associated with the uterus getting wider so the baby can pass through. This phenomena? Round ligament pain.  Oh my goodness, it is excruciating!

I wake up in the middle of the night and usually at least one of my inner thighs is aching beyond belief. Sometimes it's a quick, sharp pain that goes away on its own, but other times it's a dull ache that can be eased by applying pressure to the area. The easiest thing I've found that doesn't involve taking medication is to roll over on the side where the pain is located, which sometimes violates the "rule" that says pregnant women have to sleep on my left side.

Most times they creep up when I've gotten up too quickly during one of my middle of the night potty runs. Depending on how alert I am, I've been known to scream out, waking Kyle (which at that moment is not my priority). On other occasions, I just breathe heavily using techniques that hopefully will serve me well when the time comes. They generally go away after a few minutes and with any luck I get back to sleep for more than an hour before I have to pee again.

Speaking of pee, this week's activities took me to a completely new place regarding bathroom usage. After spending too much time in the sun -- pouring beer no less -- I Googled my blurry vision, abdominal cramp on my right side under my rib, and excessive swelling, and found that those were symptoms of  pre-eclampsia -- a serious condition that can only resolved by delivering the baby.  It really didn't occur to me (or Kyle for that matter) that I could just be dehydrated. After a brief discussion with Kyle, I called the hospital. They told me to monitor my symptoms through the night and then come in the next morning.

The following morning I went to the hospital. I gave a urine sample and they took blood. Of course I made it there on the training day, so I was subjected to three stabs to get blood and a bunch of goo on my belly with paddles that don't require the goo. My temperature was a little low and my blood pressure a little high (a pre-eclampsia risk factor). The baby's heartbeat and movements were normal. I was cramping, but not having contractions. The non-in training nurse took an ultrasound. Baby Matoush is still a boy and is already head down -- Yay, he passed his first test!

Unsure what would happen next the training nurse told me to strip from the waist down. About 20 minutes later (thank goodness for my Kindle) she came back and apologized. I'm still not sure what happened but she had take more blood (two sticks when there should have only been one -- got to remember to ALWAYS bring my stress ball) and another urine test.

Another 15 minutes and the doctor came in. He went over the risks factors for pre-eclampsia and assured me that my symptoms were more consistent with dehydration, but he was still glad that I came in. He also told me that I was naked from the waist down for no reason, he didn't feel I needed a cervical exam unless I really wanted one (Uh, no). He then ordered perhaps the most annoying test yet in order to establish a baseline in the event I returned with the same symptoms. A 24-hour urine sample.  The kit had two jugs, a bucket and bedpan type thing.  What in the world?

The bedpan type thing fits over the toilet and has a spout so you can pour it in the jug (we should use these in the military, it would make the urinalysis tests much easier than holding the cup in your stream and praying for precision so none gets on your fingers)  The bucket can be filled with ice and one of the jugs is stored in the bucket until its returned to the hospital, or you can just place the jug in the refrigerator. Most ridiculous thing ever -- jug of pee hidden behind the liter of Diet Pepsi and wrapped in a plastic bag.  I committed to this nonsense which wasn't at all pleasant given how often I have to go to the bathroom now. Thankfully I didn't spill any even when I was barely awake.

My favorite part was wandering through the ;parking lot and then hospital with the big jug when I returned the "specimen" to the lab. You know the feeling...everyone knows what it is, no one wants to makes eye contact while you have it, and the technicians pick it up with gloves. Nice!  If that isn't a way to make you feel good about yourself, I don't know what is.

Ahhh...the joys of impending motherhood!

8+ months (33 weeks) and counting

Mama Wants Her Body Back...Seriously!

For the last seven months I've watched as my body has been taken over by the life I'm carrying inside me. Don't get me wrong, I know both what a privilege and a blessing it is to be pregnant, but that doesn't mean I don't find myself screaming at the top of my lungs (in my head of course), "This has to stop!"

To some the transition seems gradual. And I guess on the outside it does seem that way. As my belly gets bigger, my previously slamming booty shrinks -- apparently due to gravity (my belly is pulling my butt forward, making it appear to flatten). My boobs have already ballooned to what I think is an uncomfortable size, but apparently that transition has only just begun.  My body temperature is jacked, so I'm hot all the time. My back hurts.  My legs cramp often.  And there is all sorts of activity going on in my belly at all times of the day (and night jarring me awake) as our little boy gets comfortable or plays in the space that's been his home for all this time.  All of this in the name of bringing a life into this crazy world.

Thankfully, I haven't gotten any stretch marks. Well, I haven't gotten any more. Growing up, soccer and track required me to have a lot more muscle and power in my legs that could be accommodated by my then 100 pound frame.  People keep saying that I don't look very big, well part of that is as the baby grows, he's really just filling in the beer belly I managed to get since moving out to DC and taking up residence in the sports pub every Sunday during football season. Based on that alone, I'd say he's got quite a bit of space to move around in!

Did I mention how difficult it is to do lady maintenance during this period of growth? I can barely see my toes, but I know they need work. My hair grows incessantly. I've gone from shaving every week or so, to shaving every couple of days or so.  And my bikini line?  Well I can't see that at all without a mirror. Kyle mentioned that things were getting a little out of control "down there." I wanted to scream, "Do you really think I care!?!" If it wasn't for the fact that it was hot as hell, I probably wouldn't have done anything.  But, I decided to address it and scheduled a waxing appointment. Big mistake! Waxing never bothered me before, but with this damn sensitive pregnancy skin, it was the most excruciating experience ever. If it wasn't for the fact that my waxing technician was this crazy dude with the same accent as Martin Short's character, Franck, on Father of the Bride, I can assure you I would have bolted out of there only half done. Instead I laughed through the pain...I wonder if I'll be able to channel this memory during labor?

There are a couple of good things too though - duh. My nails are growing better than they have in years. Unfortunately though, as I mentioned earlier my toenails are growing too fast for me to get them done. I suppose I could try and do them, but since I can barely reach my feet to put on my shoes, I don't know makes anyone think I'm going to try and soak, file and paint them myself.  So, we've got a bunch of foot fangs going on. I even scratched myself on the leg in my sleep. Ridiculous!  Along with my leg and underarm hair growing too fast to shave, the hair on my head is growing too. This also comes with consequences.  My premature gray hair is taking over and its all coming in gray. And with everything else I have going on, I don't have time for color touch ups. Apparently, I'm also glowing, but I think that's just from the fact that it's hot as Hades in DC (and even more humid) coupled with the fact that I'm sweating more than I even thought possible, and in places that shouldn't even rub together.  Bring on the chafing cream!

The worst though, is all the procedures. I started our recent long weekend by getting blood drawn six times in one day! Never mind I was only supposed to get it done four times for the test my doctor ordered -- really can't stand stupid lab technicians -- but I now have to bruises to prove their incompetence. And, forget about the nasty drink I had to consume in five minutes, which thankfully didn't make me sick, but I do believe I was most irritated by having to sit still for four hours.  And apparently more of this awaits me too!  But at least I don't have gestational diabetes.

I may complain, but every day I remind myself that Kyle and I are truly blessed, and in a couple of short months we will have a beautiful baby boy who won't even understand, let alone care, until he's much older what this experience has meant to us, and all my discomforts will have been long forgotten. In the meantime, I miss my body and want it back as soon as he's done "cooking."

Keep praying, we're at seven months and counting!

                                           

Rattles, and bottles, and mobiles -- Oh My!

I knew babies needed stuff.  Women need stuff.  But it seems like babies need more stuff than three women combined!

My first foray in the online land of baby stuff ended with me shutting down the computer in a fit of frustration. I kind of thought I knew what I needed, I just wasn't prepared for all the varieties! This isn't Bath & Body Works, but there were just as many flavors and scents!  I mean, I went to the link for bottles and there were 188 items! Seriously!?! Overwhelmed was an understatement.

It was time to call on my friends. Once again, Beth came to my rescue. She sent me a list that her friend sent her when she was welcoming her first baby. It gave me a starting point for the basics: bottles, pacifiers, crib sheets, etc. After an extensive review, I knocked out those things.

Next, my friend Amber passed on the book, "Baby Bargains." I'm sure most of you non-first time moms have heard of it, but for everyone else, it is a wealth of information on brands, safety ratings and most importantly the ability to compare the grades of each.  Okay, that helped me knock out my big ticket items like high chair, swing, pack 'n play, and car seats.

Finally, I called in my local consultant. I printed out my registries and over Olive Garden's salad and breadsticks, Ty and I went through them line by line, crossing out what I had but didn't need and adding things I forgot. Most important, she made sure there weren't duplicate items on the different registries. After that ordeal, we headed to Burlington Coat Factory's Baby Depot to add all the stuff I forgot. 

This trip was way better than my first solo trip to Babies 'R Us when I started hyperventilating and broke out in hives and had to leave.

Even after all this, I'm sure there's more stuff I missed, or stuff the baby won't even like, but I've got to get it done and don't have time to read all the damn books associated with baby registries! So, if you have some advice, feel free to pass it on, but don't get mad if I don't listen. We're running out of time, and one hour diatribes on the importance of using Dreft to wash all the baby's clothes don't fit into my schedule. But don't think I don't appreciate you thinking of us.