Holy Crap!

I'm warning you...this one might fall in the category of too much information, but some folks need to know!

Since I got pregnant, I've experienced a  multitude of body changes. Belly, boobs, and butt -- there isn't one part of my body that isn't undergoing some massive reconstruction.  My sense of smell is out of control. Things I could barely smell before on my own plate I can now smell from across the room.  Fortunately, I didn't get morning sickness, but far worse in my opinion is what I did get, unbelievably constipated.

What really sucks is I wasn't all that regular before, take pregnancy and the hormones that come with it, production slows down in your digestive system, and you've got a recipe for complete disaster! Experts say "drink more water" and "eat more fiber."  Even after a good faith effort to heed these precautions, it still hasn't worked for me.

I've never been a fan of going number 2 in public, so I've been fortunate that my pregnancy poops have hit me at home. It's still kind of an ordeal though. I grab my book, turn on the radio, and settle in for what sometimes can turn into a 30 to 40 minute ordeal -- sometimes more -- and often the fruits of my labor are nothing more than just "rabbit pellets" (as described by my friend Nicki). All that hard work for virtually nothing!

This time I wasn't so lucky. I had an early class and after class I went the to library to study.  I sat down, and wouldn't you know it, within 10 minutes I began to feel the signals that my body gives me when it's ready to go:  lower back aches and aches in my legs.  Damn it!  I didn't want to go in there, but I couldn't hold it (years ago I held it for a four-week stretch and the outcome was not good). Off to the toilet I went without my usual comforts. Although I was in the library, I couldn't very well take a book into the toilet, especially considering there's a sign on the door that said, "For hygiene reasons library materials are not allowed in the restroom."

I pinched the first one off without too much trouble, checked it out and did a courtesy flush. Not bad...met the requirements as outlined by About.com, http://altmedicine.about.com/od/gettingdiagnosed/a/stools.htm.  It was the color of plain cardboard, left the body easily without strain or discomfort, was four to eight inches long and the consistency of toothpaste.  But the next couple?  Whew!  I wasn't prepared at all.  I worked hard for them.  Once I finished and I wiped, I checked out the fruits of my labor. OMG! They were huge, looking like two boulders stacked on top of one another!  I didn't see a good ending to this story, but there was nothing I could do but wait. The automatic flush activated...and the boulders, stacked on one another along with the toilet paper stayed right where they were, taunting me.

At this point I assessed my options:  1) Leave it and make it someone else's problem or 2) Stick my hand in the toilet to move things around. One more attractive than the other, but I didn't think I could do either in good conscience, so I said a prayer instead. (Oh shut up, people have prayed for worse!)  Thankfully God heard me and on the next flush everything down. That truly could have been a hot mess! Could you imagine if someone came in while I was huffing, puffing and bracing myself against the stall?

The lesson here is try harder to eat more fiber and drink more water so I can control the bowel movements and not let them control me! Believe me, it's a lot harder (figuratively and literally) than it sounds.

Better luck for me next time!